


Fairy Bread – Karkat POV.

by HonkingHonkFriend



Series: Fairy Bread [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gamzee teaches Karkat how to make fairy bread, Humanstuck, Other, RING OF BUTTER
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 02:03:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4810655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HonkingHonkFriend/pseuds/HonkingHonkFriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You look like such a fucking Australian and you are worried for Gamzee and their family.</p><p>Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you have never been more confused in your entire life than you are right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fairy Bread – Karkat POV.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Radioactive_Synesthesia](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Radioactive_Synesthesia).



It was about… eight in the morning now? Yeah, it was, according to the clock. Gamzee and their family had gone out to go see their mother in hospital, and you weren't feeling too well today, so Gamzee made sure you stayed at home. They got you a glass of water, and a jug of water, a bottle of raspberry flavoured Cottee's -basically cordial-, along with snacks and heated left-overs of yesterday's bolognese. Which tasted fairly good.  
They brought you all that at seven, so you slept for an hour, which is pretty good, due to your insomnia that usually keeps you up to the early darkness of the morning.

You turn to the mini-table that previously held food that was now empty. Whatever bug you had, it made you bloody hungry as hell. You got up and stumbled towards the kitchen, looking for food. You groaned when you saw nothing incredibly edible, only some bread and other shit. You know Australians liked a thing called fairy bread, but you never bothered to learn, so you pulled your phone out of your pocket and decided to call Gamzee. It took a few moments before Gamzee picked up their phone.

"Yo best friend, whassup?" They drawled, you could basically hear their smile through the voice call. But, you being sick, you decide to cut the shit and go straight to why you called them.  
"I'm hungry." You state in a grumble.  
"Aw shit."  
"Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up for a second and answer my question." You snap, well as much as you can with your throat hurting as much as it did.  
"I'm all motherfucking ears best friend." Gamzee replied, presumably leaning on Meenah as they can be heard making a hurk, along with Meenah's giggle-laugh.  
"Gotcha now, shrimp!" She exclaimed. Yep. Definitely Meenah.  
You lean against the kitchen bench, listening to squealing, laughter, and honking, until you hear Babara yell;  
"All you motherfuckers calm your motherfucking shit and sit in your own fucking spots or I swear to the Mirthful Messiahs I'll shut you all up myself!"  
After that it went silent besides murmuring as Gamzee got back into his seat, Kurloz can be heard muttering loudly 'Messiahs above'.

"Sorry about that best friend." Gamzee said, still moving around.  
"What the hell is fairy bread?" At the question, Gamzee goes silent for at least ten seconds.  
"Ho- how? I. I cannot." Gamzee stutters, and it's obvious they're only going go continue stuttering.  
"I heard it was popular in Australia," you continue, and so do they.  
"It's- Oh my Mirthful Messiahs. How do you not? Okay. Okay. Do we have hundreds and thousands in the house right now?" Gamzee states when they're finally able to string together a proper sentence.  
You frown as you go to check the pantry. After a quick glance you take the jar that has pink and purple lettering '100's and 1000's'. Fucking Australians. "Yeah?" You confirm, feeling suspicious about Gamzee's actions. But nonetheless grab some bread. It's called fairy bread for a reason, right?  
"Bread?"  
"I already got that Gamzee."  
"What about butter or margarine?"  
"Gamzee, your family buys butter by the fucking bucket." You stress as you put the 100's and 1000's and bread on the kitchen bench, then pull the bucket of butter out of the fridge.  
"Doesn't matter." Is all they respond with. "Now, get like, I dunno, however much bread slices you want. Just go get them." They explain, all the while you're getting a plate and knife. "I'm going to teach you the miracle that is fairy bread." Gamzee adds.  
"Okay, I got my bread." You tell them.  
"Now get the sprinkles and the butter." They tell you, and suddenly it's fucking obvious what you have to do.  
"I'm gonna butter it and put the sprinkles on it, aren't I?" You ask with the most monotonous voice you can muster.  
"Yesssssss," Gamzee responded. Just as you're about to face palm, Gamzee adds more. "But, I must direct you. Because, you might not do it correctly." Gamzee said, and they never mean anything to offend you. They're like a child when it comes to wording things.  
"I must learn the Australian way." You said, and Gamzee makes a strange noise. "Just get on with it Gamzee." You remind them.  
"Fairy bread is special, Karkat. Now, get your motherfucking butter knife. The sweetest butter knife you're to having." They explain as you grab a butter knife.  
"I've acquired the knife." You tell them, and you hear Feferi going on about something about their mother from the front seat, only for Gamzee to respond positively. "Gamzee."  
"Whoops, sorry best friend."  
"It's fine. I got the knife."  
"Sweeeeeeeet."

Once again you can hear their smile.  
"Now, go put some butter on the knife. Like enough so that your knife has a ring of butter on it. A ring of butter!" Gamzee exclaimed, only for basically everyone else in the car to chime 'ring of butter' after them. Must be some inside joke of the Makara's. You basically ignore it as you do as they say.  
"The ring of butter's on the knife." You tell them. You're not being as rude as usual because;  
1) You're sick.  
2) Gamzee and their family are going to visit their ill mother at the hospital.  
3) You know playing along makes Gamzee happy, and when Gamzee's happy, there's at least something good in this fucked up world.

You can hear Gamzee laughing on their side as you hear a loud honk.  
"Now- heh, honk. Now spread the butter on the bread- including the crust on top." They said, presumably nodding.  
"It's a good jobs you're directing me, because I never butter the crusts." You mutter, near-sarcastically.  
"Exactly." Gamzee says.  
"Ok, the bread is sufficiently buttered." You tell them, but you're pretty sure they didn't hear you, because they respond with;  
"Okay, now do the same with any remaining butter." Because of this you have to re-word what you said. Great.  
"Alright, now, it is time for the most important of all…" Gamzee said, their side of the phone going mute before Gamzee screeched. "Motherfucking sprinkles!!!!"  
That hurt your ears. Really bad.  
"Get on with it Gamzee." You scold them.  
"Now best friend, you must very carefully, sprinkle from top left, to the bottom right." Gamzee slowly instructed. You, of course, rolled your eyes and did as he said.  
"In the shape of a cross first?" You ask, they confirm before continuing.  
"Then from top right, to bottom left. Then you sprinkle the entire motherfucking thing." Gamzee continues. As they do, you put the phone down then put it on speaker.  
"Fill in the rest…" you mumble under your breath.  
"Then you shake the sprinkle the 100's and 1000's on the plate. Now you're done. You've got the motherfucking best fairy bread ever." Gamzee said, their proudness radiating through the phone.  
"Thank you Gamzee, I would have done this incorrectly without you. Here I was, thinking it was fucking simple." You say, being rather sarcastic, but Gamzee never seems to pick up sarcasm.  
"Everyone does. You're lucky you have me."  
"I am lucky." You say, nodding before finally taking a bite of the Australian snack.

You never expected the words, "Oh my God this tastes fucking miraculous." To come out of your mouth, but here they are.  
"I told you it was a miracle, best friend."  
"Australia is fucking magical." You mused. Gamzee screeches something incoherently, along with their other family members. "I will never stop eating this bread." You tell them. "I'm gonna force feed it to my family when we go back to America." You add, hearing Gamzee laugh at the idea. "This is fucking beautiful."  
"Just wait until I make it for you- I have a special addition sometimes." They say, before whispering. "I mix the butter with Nutella."  
And it just got better. "It just got better. Oh my fucking God."  
"I'm glad you like it best-" Gamzee starts, only for a police siren to be heard through the phone.  
"Oh my- sweet shredded motherfucking Casper the ghost, what do those motherfucking hentai watching degenerates want NOW?!" Babara can be heard yelling, causing everyone to shut up.  
"Uh, bro, I gotta go, Dad just got pulled over." Gamzee said before promptly hanging up. Leaving you to stand there in the kitchen, staring at the phone with a piece of fairy bread in your mouth. You look like such a fucking Australian and you are worried for Gamzee and their family.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you have never been more confused in your entire life than you are right now.


End file.
